On this day

On this day I feel worthless, afraid, hopelessness, this just might be the day that I check in. There is just too much going on in my life.
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Alone in the dark

A young man who has been robbed of his childhood innocents can only repress and question those memories for so long, as the shell continues to grow the child is left alone in the darkest with pain and confusion until he is found and united with the man that he has become.
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LCDCIII Exam

On Nov 17, I took the exam that would set me on track for a 5yr plan to come a professional substance abuse counselor and start my own business. But a fail the test, it really bummed me out and it was a mighty blow to my dreams.
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A Challenge

The biggest challenge I've had as a single father is: how do I safely challenge and motivate each one of them according to his skill and abilities?
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Today

This morning is off to a good start. I've cast my vote and now I'm headed to work.
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Figuring it out

I'm slowing figuring this thing out.
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To the evil people, Why me why anyone? You will never understand the long term pain and confusion you have caused me.

At 3am I just realized and came to grips with a very ugly monster. In order for me to truly do this book I'm will really need to face somethings that I have been avoiding. The death of my best friend, my dad and the people who stole the joy from an innocent boy. I just saw a photo of LaShawn and remembered him. Then I thought about my dad and how I felt when he past. But then my focus draw quickly to the evil people were probable still alive and what are they doing now. Then I thought what would I tell them if I saw them today?

Why I'm I so protective of the boys?

The Hardest Part

I've been thinking a lot about this book and what I want everyone to learn or know about me and my life. But my overall goal is for my son's to read this book and hopefully it will shed some light on why their father did some of the things he did. I learned in art that the hardest thing for me to do is start and finish and also that I am a perfectionist. I want to make sure that every word is succinct with my feelings and emotion. I think that the hardest part is going to be managing my ADHD and not allowing myself to have the moment of sporadic thoughts and making this project seem overwhelming.

The beginning

It is funny what we can remember from our childhood from all the joyful times and not so joyful times.  My most earliest memory is my father abusing her mother and the loud train that would come by our apartment.  I can remember one time around the age of 3 or 4 years old my father hitting my mother and me thinking it should do something. Then I can recall myself flying backwards and hitting the screen door.  What was I learning about relationships at this time?