To the evil people, Why me why anyone? You will never understand the long term pain and confusion you have caused me.

At 3am I just realized and came to grips with a very ugly monster. In order for me to truly do this book I'm will really need to face somethings that I have been avoiding. The death of my best friend, my dad and the people who stole the joy from an innocent boy. I just saw a photo of LaShawn and remembered him. Then I thought about my dad and how I felt when he past. But then my focus draw quickly to the evil people were probable still alive and what are they doing now. Then I thought what would I tell them if I saw them today?

Why I'm I so protective of the boys?

The Hardest Part

I've been thinking a lot about this book and what I want everyone to learn or know about me and my life. But my overall goal is for my son's to read this book and hopefully it will shed some light on why their father did some of the things he did. I learned in art that the hardest thing for me to do is start and finish and also that I am a perfectionist. I want to make sure that every word is succinct with my feelings and emotion. I think that the hardest part is going to be managing my ADHD and not allowing myself to have the moment of sporadic thoughts and making this project seem overwhelming.

The beginning

It is funny what we can remember from our childhood from all the joyful times and not so joyful times.  My most earliest memory is my father abusing her mother and the loud train that would come by our apartment.  I can remember one time around the age of 3 or 4 years old my father hitting my mother and me thinking it should do something. Then I can recall myself flying backwards and hitting the screen door.  What was I learning about relationships at this time?